Intolerance
by Mygayshoes
Summary: Some things just cannot stand. Part of the Bekaverse.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Sanctuary.**

**A/N: Beka, is the OC from a fanfiction Author known as Selene14. She has graciously allowed me use of her character, to write these crackfics!**

* * *

"Stupid Will."

Beka glowered as she stormed throughout the hallways: neither occupants nor even flower vases were spared from her deathly glare.

Several times, she tripped over her shoe laces, which only proved to anger her more. Flushed, half asleep and sugar deprived, she stumbled into Henry's lab, and instantly spotted the softly snoring werewolf. Tiptoeing she walked up to him, and wondered for a brief second if all domesticated werewolves drooled over their keyboards.

Shrugging, she lifted one of Henry's 'spare parts' computers and dropped it, with as much force as possible.

"HENRY!"

He jumped as he woke, leaning backwards too far and falling to the ground with a thump; chair lying beside him.

"What the-"

His eyes were wild, panicked and terrified, cheekily grinning Beka chirped back to him.

'Geez, Henry, Chill- Did ya think I broke a computer of something?"

Since Henry wasn't screaming, shrieking or crying, it was safe to say that he hadn't noticed the smashed compact computer slightly to her left.

"Ah?" he suddenly looked all sleepy, "Can't this wait till morning?"

"It is morning!" Beka complained loudly, stamping her foot like a child, "That's the problem!"

"What?"

"Morning! Birdies in the sky! Children laughing and playing, old geezers in the park, eugh!" she stared at him, waiting for a retort.

"What does this have to do with anything? Can't you go back to sleep or something?"

"NO!"

Her eyes narrowed then darted around the room suspiciously. After a few minutes, in which Henry had decided he was still asleep- or that Beka was drunk- or drugged, and had since stopped listening to her.

"HENRY!" She latched herself onto his arm, with a predatory expression. She tugged his arm and dragged him towards a corner between two glass cages- which they had long ago discovered was a blind spot.

"Beka, seriously, are you ok? Do I, uh, need to call Magnus down?"

"NO!" She got even more frantic; if possible, suddenly he was reminded of a small child who had just opened their Christmas presents a day early.

"I haven't slept in two days!" Her eyes were wide and obviously bloodshot; it suddenly occurred to him that she was wearing the same rumpled clothes as yesterday- and the day before. She looked tired- purple tinges were evident under her eyes and her mused hair was greasy- for someone who spent over an hour in the bathroom every day, this was a major offense.

"Beka? Are you ok?" concerned about her, he put his hands on her shoulder, she shook her hair furiously.

"Because, you know, you remind me of Severus Snape, and it's not a good look for you."

"I'm not a greasy bat!"

"You're t-shirt is inside out."

"Latest fashion." She bluntly stated, "Now, I know YOU haven't gotten much sleep- probably for the same reasons I have."

'You're working on developing a stronger modulated EM shield?"

"Details, Details."

Beka's voice dropped in pitch, as if she was telling a ghost story.

"They can hear us- switch to Pig Latin."

Henry blinked in confusion as she continued.

"Ethay atfay oneway isway ouchingtay ymay opcornpay! Attackway ethay unicornsway, ymay ettiespray!"

"I, uh, don't think you know Pig latin as well as you think."

"Othday ehay ieslay, airfay Enryhay!"

"Seriously Beka, can't we speak English?"

"Allowedhay isway ythay allway arkspay, erishchay ethay ightlay abersay Onathonjay!"

"Beka, I can't speak Pig latin?" Henry's tone was hesitant, frowning slightly she asked his thoughts out loud, 'Where did you learn to speak Pig latin?"

"Ashley. Why?"

"No reason." A grin fixed itself to his face.

"Ahway, ehay ieslay! Ethay oulfay eastbay athhay eatenway ymay iepay!"

"Beka, I don't think you know Pig Latin as well as you think you do." He repeated.

Beka's lip quivered, her eyes suddenly threatened to spill tears.

"You didn't like the pie?"

Henry's expression suddenly changed to a rather comical disbelief.

"Vous regardez graisse, ours Yogi."

"Beka!" he stopped suddenly puzzled, "Did you just call me fat in French?"

Beka froze and pondered this for a moment.

'Will you restrict my internet usage if I say yes?"

"Probably."

"Then no, I complimented your hat."

"I'm not wearing a hat."

_"Detalj , Detalj moj starješina!"_

"I don't even know what language that was."

"It's the official language of Neopets." Beka smirked, "Anyway, we have a problem."

'It's good of 'we' to accept that, I'm sure Magnus can give you something for it."

"I hear Voices Henry. I'm not Insane."

"Well, that's not an oxymoron is it?"

"Whatever, Cujo." Beka sniffed snootily, "Anyway, I've been up the last two days because of Will."

"Oh, congratulations...?"

"I'm seriously considering pitching a compulsory pet neutering service as our next employee meting." Her tone was serious, "Just thought you should know..."

"Fine. So. Will. Keeping you up...?"

Beka slammed her head against the glass.

"Ou! Goddammit...Will demanded I hand in my report by next week. And that I have to stop having 'Extreme Sports' billed and delivered to the Sanctuary each month..."

"Don't you order 'Dolly?'?"

"To read and laugh at, my little neutered friend..."

"OK! I get your point!"

"Great. So he made me do it all, and then 'asked' me to finish his report."

"Why did you say yes if you're going to complain about it?"

"I DIDN'T!"

"Huh?"

"That arrogant little twit said right in front of Magnus 'Can Kate and I go out and grab a few things?' and she said, 'I do need your report by the end of today..' and that stupid son of a-" A small pixie flew past, not even noticing the silent and 'innocent' looking Beka.

"I mean, that annoying little prat said 'it's ok, Beka said she'd cover it' He grinned AND THEN WALKED AWAY! Can you believe that?"

"Well, really?" Henry looked interested, "You think they're going on a date?"

"And yesterday! He said to Bigfoot 'No offence' when he was talking about how he doesn't like large animals, and he said that you have a huuuge weight on your shoulders after we discussing you being a werewolf! Such an-"

"You know, Bekky, I actually kinda like the guy."

"LIES!" Beka shrieked backing away from him, "He is a self righteous twat who thinks Abnormals are beneath him!"

"Beka. I'm sure you misunderstood- I think he really likes Kate and-"

"I AM NEVER WRONG!"

"Beka. Can't you and Will go out, get a bite to eat, talk. You know, be friends?"

"I would rather sleep with tesla than 'sit down and talk' to that twat."

"It's just a misunderstanding."

_"JA radije 'sleep s tesla' nego postojati sprijateljiti se s kim taj ignoramus malen Govedo!"_

"Well, I've lived through over a century, inventing machines beyond your wildest dreams and I end up as the butt of a joke."

"TESLA!" Beka span and smiled wildly at the brooding vampire.

"I missed you!"

Beka launched herself at him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

'Oh Nikky! I've had such a horrible day! Shall I accompany you to the wine cellar so we can get incredibly drunk?"

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Was there an experiment on Rebecca that I wasn't informed of?" Tesla tried to pry the babbling woman off his arm unsuccessfully.

"No." Henry scratched his arm awkwardly.

"I've just found someone I hate more than you!" her voice dropped dangerously, "That's a pretty hard thing to do- the newbie's above you, Robert Patterson, Crayola since 1994, Walt Disney and the guy who lives down my hallway." She paused and seemed to think intensely, "But slightly below Rupert Murdoch and Ceramic China."

"You. Tiny Tim. Can you explain this?" he gestured vaguely at the pleasantly smiling Beka, who giggled and twirled her hair in response.

"You're so cool and smart, Nikola." Her wispy breath made him look extremely concerned- or as concerned as he could be.

"No. Seriously. This is actually quite scary- and believe me, I know 'scary'. Vampire. Comes with the territory."

"I like your suit- it makes you look so hot." She sighed dreamily.

"Wait. Who do you hate more than I?"

"Will." Both Beka and Henry spoke- Beka with extreme malevolence – Henry with exasperation colouring his voice.

"Dr Expendable himself takes my place." Nikola mused, "But," Nikola pointed his finger at them, with an oddly thoughtful expression on his face.

"I'm curious, how does a passive psychiatrist end up on your very colourful and decorated hate list?"

Beka's eyes clouded instantly, she barred her teeth and growled.

"Oh for the love of-"

Beka launched into a colourful argument, which splintered off into several languages. Nikola's expression changed throughout- growing more and more amused by the second. Apparently he understood every word that came out of her mouth.

"Seriously, you know Klingon?"

"You don't?"

Beka looked vaguely at Henry and smirked at him superiorly.

"My dear, have I ever told you that you swear like a drunken sailor?"

"No, but you once told me I had the liver of one- or was that Helen...?"

"It astounds me, that you can bring absolutely trivial information, into conversations that do not need it."

"I'm sorry Mr Tesla!"

"That is seriously getting creepy," Nikola eyed Beka warily, as if she was going to jump up and attack him at any time.

"So, the protégé seems to have earned your wrath somehow; what shall we inscribe on his tombstone?"

"Some Vampire Voodoo spell- so he can be 'damned in hell'? "

Henry sighed, "She thinks Will is an- and I quote- 'A self righteous twat who thinks Abnormals are beneath him!'"

"Cheerful."

"You traitor!" Beka stage whispered angrily to Henry, "Don't tell him that!"

"Why not? Isn't that what we're going to tell him?"

"But you can't!"

"Why? Beka, seriously, what's going on?"

"Tesla's Team Will!"

"Wait. What?" Henry shuffled nervously.

"Team Will!- Can't you imagine tesla in a short skirt and pom poms- you know Give me a T-E-A-M- W-I-"

"Eww. Beka." Henry's face scrunched up, looking rather nauseous.

"The thing is- I couldn't imagine it- thanks Henry."

"Rebecca, I may not be highly involved in the current pop culture of today's youth, but I believe I know the meaning of that statement. I protest. I am in fact, Team Helen."

"Someone's' been reading up on Team Edward," Beka sang cheekily.

"Who?" Tesla replied, uninterestedly. 'So, Will joins your top 10 hate list, so suddenly you're all 'hugs and kisses'."

"Aren't you listening?" Beka's eyes glowered at them, "I'm going to start a petition! The Anti-Twat Brigade."

"Beka, this isn't fair." Henry started.

Beka's eyes narrowed, "THIS IS SPARTA!" Turning and stomping past an innocent looking Will, who obviously hadn't seen or heard their conversation.

"Hey Guys, what's up with her?"

Henry's frowned and nudged Nikola slightly with his elbow as the vampire spoke.

"Do you think she's serious?"

Will looked curiously between them.

"Come on, she's Beka."

Neither of them knew the answer to that question.

* * *

A glass of red wine in one hand, and a volume of Charles Dickens in the other, John Druitt was a picture of serenity. Silence surrounded him- only disturbed by the gentle crackling of the fire in the fireplace.

His silent, contemplation of life, the universe and everything was brought to a sudden end by a loud yelp followed by a procession of loud banging and heavy footsteps. A familiar feminine face poked through the opening in the door, wide clear blue eyes and long raven hair registered in his mind before the woman grinned merrily and skipped into the small library with ink stained fingers and a black-blue smudge on her chin.

"Hello Mr Jack-the-Ripper!" her voice was filled to the brim with enthusiasm and zest, she clutched papers to her chest tightly. Without any indication she threw herself onto the couch next to him, batting her eyelashes at him. She held out the papers with a wide pearly white smile.

"I've heard such good things about you!'

John raised an eyebrow, without changing his expression. He chuckled as he set down his glass of wine and placed a bookmark between his pages.

"Are you sure you've heard correctly?"

"Well, Tess is always telling me that I have defective hearing."

"Tess?" He cocked his head sideways, "Are you referring to one, Nikola Tesla?"

"Yeah. Tess. Nikky. Vlad. Edward. Dracula. Count Chocula. You got any other embarrassing college pet names you want to share with the class?"

"As I recall, you proclaimed you were 'mortal enemies' during your last fight."

"You guys heard that?" Beka looked bewildered.

"Yes, as it turns out, there is a very large pool, on whether you will kill him, he will kill you, or if you two will be found entangled inside a supply closet."

"Ewww..."

"My sentiments exactly," John quirked a corner of his mouth, in what she hoped was a smile.

"Your pet werewolf seemed pretty intent on proving his theory-"

"Wait, which side is he on? Why haven't I heard of this?"

"I would tell you, but you seem prone to spontaneous acts of rage."

"I'm the worst telepath in the world!"

"Perhaps, you have not been listening, hmm...?"

Beka sunk back into the couch, crossing her arms grumpily.

"A serial killer is better at finding gambling rings than I am! So not fair! I lived off gambling rings during my 50's!"

"Why have you come to me, Ms Woods?"

Beka bounced up and down on the chair, tossing the papers at the pasty, British man.

"Sign my Anti-Twat Brigade Petition?"

"A petition? Surely Helen would give you anything you so desire?"

"Not when I'm messing with her protégé."

"Ah," John leaned back, an expression of smug condensation etched onto his features.

"He's so, 'I'm human, you're not, I pity you.' Aargh!"

John looked thoughtful for a moment, considering the strange woman in front of him. Tall, pale and thin, Beka had large eyes that seemed to always announce their innocence.

"Perhaps, you are feeling replaced by our young doctor, you were once the favoured one. The newest member who was trained exclusively, Now you've been replaced."

"If Will is my replacement, then I really have to talk to Helen about lowering her standards."

"Ah, but you joke, and smile and pretend you don't care, but deep down, deep inside the most treasured part of your heart you do."

"Oh god. This is sounding like an episode of Dr Phil."

John chuckled, and picked up his wine glass between his fingers, sipping it in a small sweep which revealed the frequency of that particular action.

"Perhaps. I am curious, why do you wish me to sign your petition?"

"Duh. You sir, are Helen's,' Beka bit her lip as she thought, before grinning so widely that seemed almost impossible.

"You are Helen's 'Jack-the-Ripper."

John sighed, "Helen and I have gotten to the point in our relationship where I believe that any suggestions or opinions I make will not be taken to heart."

"Wow! You two really need couples therapy," Beka told him sarcastically and yet concern seeped into her voice, "May I suggest a couples retreat..."

Druitt glanced at her with a severe expression, Beka blinked before breaking into giggles.

"Oh My Rowling! You're just like Dr Evil," Beka's grin grew wider, "Does this mean that Tess is your putty cat?"

"Beka. If you wish for my help, concerning your issues, then I suggest you do not insult me with 80's trivia!"

"OMG!" Beka's hand flew up and covered her mouth, "You watch Cartoon Network!"

The savage, bloodthirsty expression on the bald man's face was enough to make most cower in fear; unfortunately, 'most' did not in any way include Beka.

"I knew it!" Beka leapt and danced in victory, "Do you watch Disney? I Like Hannah Montanna personally, she reminds me of a more ugly, slutty Ash-"

"Impertinent Child!" John suddenly flew to his feet with insane looking eyes; Beka shrugged "Your eyes are pweetty."

John blinked and sighed dramatically, as if weary of life itself.

"You are such a drama Queen," Beka observed, frowning, "Since when did you take on Tess's job of being emo."

"It astounds me that Helen can stand to keep you here, when it is so plain to see that you are clearly insane."

"I'm hurt Johnny-Boy, Really, Right here." Beka jabbed at her heart with a forlorn expression.

"I believe you will find your heart located on the opposite side of your chest."

"I'm a medical mystery. I'm backwards."

"I'd gathered you had a form of disability."

"Oh sweetie, I'm perfectly fine, you on the other hand, must stop using so much Botox."

John Glowered, clutching his wine glass so hard, that small cracks ran over the glass.

"I do not indulge my vanity by using worthless injections to make myself appear younger in such a fools mission."

"Uh huh, Honey, you don't need any Botox- Work that look!"

His expression changed to annoyance, certain he was going to throw her out, Beka back peddled.

"Sign my petition?"

"Will you leave quietly afterwards, and promise not to return?"

Beka gasped at him, "You don't like me?"

"You are annoying, irritating, vexing, infuriating and clearly, utterly mentally challenged."

"You say it like it's a bad thing." Beka blinked, 'But it's good to know you read the Thesaurus."

"Rebecca, I refuse to start one of those conversations with you where you prattle and babble on, and refuse to get to the point."

"I prefer to think of it as 'character building.'"

"I prefer to think of it as 'goodbye Rebecca, the door is that way.'"

Beka jumped, "Woh! Woh! Easy Big Guy I'm getting there, I want you to assassinate Will Zimmerman."

She swore Druitt looked appalled, even disgusted at her suggestion.

"You want me to Murder Dr Zimmerman, Helen's protégé? I will not!"

"Why not?"

"Because I am not a murderer."

"You murdered like, 8 prostitutes all by yourself," Beka was sour, "I'm sick of Will making so much noise at night! I need my beauty sleep!"

There was silence for a second, as Druitt's expression shifted.

"I was under the impression that your bedroom was next to Helen's."

"IT IS!" Beka paused, nervously adding "You know where I sleep?"

Druitt chuckled lowly at her terrified expression.

"Anyway," Beka's face shifted back to determination, "Will's basically a Male prostitute anyway!"

Druitt studied the raven haired woman for a second.

"Dude, I hear, see and feel everything that comes out of her room! In fact I think I need a cold shower because Will and Helen were-"

"No!" Druitt's strangled, tortured gasp escaped his lips, as his fingernails dug into the arms of the chair.

"Are you ok? You seem...pastier...than usual."

"Helen..." John's strangled voice sounded utterly heartbroken.

Beka snorted, "Come on man, what did you think would happen? A) You killed 8 call girls. B) You left her alone with a damn sexy vampire and Sherlock Holmes." Beka threw her arms up in the air in exasperation, "And finally, you didn't win any brownie points by chucking her daughter into a cage with the monster from the Black Lagoon and Barney the Dinosaur's ungodly lovechild- instead of sending the customary child support payments. WORST FATHER EVER!"

"Enough!" John looked pale, "I've had it to here with your rant, do not think that a child such as yourself can lecture me about the mistakes I've made!"

"Holy Banana!" Beka gasped dramatically, "Did you just call Ashley a mistake?"

"Do not put words in my mouth!"

"I'm not; I'm trying to understand half the British Crap that comes out your mouth- 'oh! Woe is me'- Are you going to start quoting Edgar Allen Poe? Because frankly, you're about as responsive as a drunken turtle." Beka's voice grew louder, sending ripples of sound throughout the room.

"SO WILL YOU MAN UP AND SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS HELEN OR SHALL I GIVE TESLA THE CODES FOR HELENS BEDROOM SURVALLANCE FEED?"

Druitt was growing more furious by the moment.

"YOU SON OF A NINJA-FROG! WILL YOU SAVE HELEN AND KILL WILL ZIMMERMAN!"

"I WILL-"

"Gotta go! People to see, CCTV footage to hand out to show my innocence. Bye-ya Jacky!"

"Wait – Rebecca."

The door slammed shut behind her.

Druitt froze in horror, as the weight of his words hit him, collapsing back onto his chair, for the first time in about a century, feeling utterly confused.

* * *

'Sally' as she was known as, to the creatures in the Sanctuary was drifting peacefully in her tank. Full of wonderfully delicious fish, she contently drifted around her tank, rather sleepily. Her day, so far, had been perfect, blissful even. She had convinced Hen-ry to bring in a 'TV', just outside her tank.

Research purely, the strange metal-and-chemical box seemed to be favoured by most. While confusing, the TV did portray Mermaids in a ridiculous-but positive light.

Half-way through watching a pink-skinned mermaid called 'Ariel', a familiar mind came closer, bubbling with energy and excitement. Within seconds, a black haired human girl, steeped in front of the TV and snorted at the screen before pausing it.

"Ello Sally!"

Sally glanced at the human girl, lazily coming closer to the glass and frowning at the TV- she couldn't turn it back on.

"So Anyway," The girl continued, as if she had responded, "What do you think about Will?"

Confusion clouded her mind before she projected an image of the person who she thought the woman was talking about.

Beka shook her head and projected a picture back, the same person, drooling over a pillow.

"No, we're talking about Will. Not 'the protégé'."

Rebecca Woods was confusing at the best of times- but now she was utterly baffling.

"Don't believe the hype around the New Guy! Sally, don't get sucked into the deluusssiiiooonn!"

"Are you ill?" Sally thought towards Beka in concern.

"Yes. I'm sick!" Beka responded with wide eyes, "Sick of Zimmerman!"

"Was has he done to provoke such anger in you Rebecca?" The mermaid sighed mentally, figuring out that Beka wouldn't leave until she got an answer.

"He insulted the name of abnormal's everywhere! He brainwashed Helen into his little schemes!"

"Is Helen ok?"

Beka shook her head sadly, and rested a hand on the glass.

"I don't know. I just don't know."

"What do you need?" Sally's voice was determined, Images of Helen flashed through her mind; Helen in business suits, casual attire, pyjamas...

"Thank you sally." Beka squeaked, "I need you to sign this petition."

"Very well Beka," Sally responded, "But I cannot sign a petition."

Beka thought about this for a few seconds.

"I'm going to need a scale or two..."

* * *

William Zimmerman was used to strange sights; after all he worked at the Sanctuary. Werewolves, fairies, vampires, Dinosaurs, Giant insects and other abnormal occurrences were relatively 'normal' for him. However, there was always 'something' that happened that was extremely 'not-normal', even in his line of work.

When Henry had asked him to go check on the Cables that led into his small lab, he had agreed. But as he walked past the large observation room which housed many Abnormals, he did not expect to see Beka. Beka, peering down into the shadowy fog, happily chatting away as a giant tentacle drew of a stack of paper with 'crayons' of anything, even that was close to stun him.

The raven haired woman baded a goodbye to the tentacle, who waved in return and closed the glass quickly.

He wasn't too far away, however, so Beka's distinct mutter was audible.

"391 down, 102 to go."

Quickly, the woman pranced over to the Elemental's cage and opened it merrily.

"Ignatius! I have a proposition for you!"

This was definitely something Magnus would have to hear about, but first...

Will snorted as he reached Henry's lab, watching Beka squeak indigently as her eyebrows were singed...

* * *

John Druitt leaned back into his armchair, brooding silently. The room was covered in darkness- only the faint light that seeped in through the curtains ruined the perfect pitch black. Silence penetrated every part of the room, only disturbed when the former murdered twisted the fresh glass of wine in his hand. His mask of calmness was disturbed somehow, a slight glimmer of insanity lurked behind his eyes, as he sighed heavily.

A few minutes passed, until the man frowned. Straining to hear the sound that had startled him, he finally dismissed the sound.

Suddenly it returned- a slight thump.

Cautiously he stood, his steely eyes darted around the room, suddenly a scream then a thump came howling down the chimney. A cloud of ash and charcoal floated throughout the air. The 'lump' groaned pitifully, it stood tall, a grey colour. It quickly moved from the fireplace, twitching every so often, collapsing onto the couch with a moan.

"Johnny!" the thing moaned, before it sat up looking at him with wide blue eyes, "I'm so tired. I can't phase through walls anymore!"

"So you felt the need to jump down the chimney, then Beka?"

Beka huffed, "Do you have some sort of demonic need to turn everything you say into an insult?" Coughing she batted herself, coughing even harder as she inhaled the dust.

"So," Beka looked at her feet bashfully. Curiously John looked at the woman who actually looked 'bashful', effectively stopping any retorts from the British man.

"I brought you something!"

With jerked movements, she pulled a plastic spoon from her pocket, holding it up reverently, as if it were an offering.

"A plastic spoon?" His voice was incredulous, and expression of disbelief and grim coldness, "For what purposes?"

Beka rolled her eyes and spoke in a voice, extremely similar to the ones parents used to speak to their newborn babies.

"Duh, Silly Johnny, if I gave you a knife- then you'd be Jack-the-Ripper, and Magnus will know it is- since you used a knife- but if I give you a spoon- she'll have no idea who killed Poor Willy Boy!" Beka sighed dramatically falling back on the lounge with her hand on her forehead, "How dim thee hath grown-eth!"

Less than a second passed before Beka exploded in perils of laughter.

"Johnny! Get this! I just realized something!" She fought to keep her expression neutral, "You were jack-the-Ripper because you ripped your victims open with a knife- wait, calm down old boy!" she nervously added at his expression, "But now- since Will will die via spoon, you'll be Jack-the-Spooner!"

Her laughter bounced around the room lightly, until it slowly died down, the amused expression never left her face.

Sitting in quiet acceptance, Druitt examined the fidgeting woman, with a sigh; he asked her the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm curious, Rebecca, how many signatures have you collected?"

The words seemed to cheer her up.

"About 300 or so- Henry refused to sign it- claiming I'm Insane of under the influence of an unknown drug he labelled as 'Oh my god- never again.', and I'm not going to ask Kate or Magnus."

"Why not?"

"Because they're his freaking hooky partners" At Druitt's confused gaze she elaborated, "Hooky? You know the thing that teenagers do in the back seat of their parents cars-"

"I get the image, Beka." Druitt's voice was flat.

Beka didn't seem to notice it, she continued on in her chipper voice, tossing the spoon at him with a frown.

"No evidence." She tapped the side of her nose with a wink.

Druitt glumly eyed the plastic spoon incredulously, if any other person had pulled this, he'd be certain this was a prank, but this was Beka, who had brought Henry a doggy jumpsuit for his birthday and had acted offended when he hadn't worn it. Beka who seemed to do anything and everything possible to annoy Nikola Tesla, by planting cloves of garlic everywhere he ventured, by bringing in priests to bless the Sanctuary water supply, and by engraving crosses into doorways- all of these actions were done in complete sincerity.

"Anyway, I'll be off- funeral arrangements must be made," She cackled loudly and skipped out of the room looking gleeful."

John sunk in his chair, grabbing his glass of wine and tipping the contents down his throat. With exhausted eyes, he picked up the bottle sitting besides his chair and popped the cork.

"I'm going to need more wine," he mused tiredly.

Beka was going to be the death of them all.

* * *

Dr Helen Magnus sat in her office calmly, a cup of hot tea to her left, and a pile of paperwork to her right, she worked quickly and effortlessly. The day had gone surprisingly well; without a hitch- surprising but not uncommon. In fact, she would even go as far to say that her day had been perfect, no injuries, casualties, problems or complaints had been lodged- a few strange occurrences had been reported, but nothing that could threaten anyone. Beka seemed to be the centre of these strange occurrences, but even this only pointed towards Beka being in a happy mood.

The 90 year old teenager, as Nikola had once dubbed, was if anything, being relatively normal today. And for someone who embodied Lewis Carroll's most famous work in all its forms, it was slightly off putting.

The only piece of bad news today, in fact, had been the numerous vampire films, posters, books and other merchandise, brought and sent to the Sanctuary for 'Nikola Tesla.' And the fact that somehow a set of Vampire Robes, and three 'House of night 'and one 'Vampire Academy' books had somehow been smuggled onto her chair in the corner of the room.

She wasn't certain how someone had managed to put them there, since she hadn't truly left the room for anything- and Beka had promised quite earnestly she hadn't done it as she had been riffling through her draws for a box of Crayola Magic Scent Crayons.

A quick glance revealed that two seasons of Buffy, and one of 'Being Human' had been added to the pile- as well as a rather flamboyant Nikola Tesla t-shirt.

Sighing, Helen retreated back to her work, picking up her tea in one hand, before she could move it to her lips however- a loud thump, startled her, spilling her tea over her arm. Grimacing she set down the cup and wiped her arm off with tissues.

"Dr Magnus!" A high pitched whine pierced the air, suddenly the door lurched open, a creature darted in, and plopped itself on her desk.

The pixie looked terrified.

"Are you ok?" She asked the creature in concern; the pixie shook its head, and held its fingers up to its lips in the universal sign of 'be quiet', before diving under the desk.

Thunderous footsteps were heard thumping down the hallway, a familiar face poked through the doorway, looking sheepish.

"Hello, Beka."

"Is Tink here?"

"Tink?" Helen questioned.

"Y'know, Tink, Tinkerbelle? The lil cute fairy that is obviously addicted to 'Willy-boy's hair?'" The sarcasm didn't go unnoticed by Helen.

"Are you and Will having a fight?"

"No. He's on waayy too many magic mushrooms to be fighting with me."

"You're missing Nikola, aren't you?" The soft voice was all Beka needed to hear to get Helen's meaning.

"I'm not missing that scheming, conniving, lying, treacherous Vlad-wanna- be!" Beka paused, "Wasn't he here only an hour ago? Where'd he go?"

"Oh course not. He left less than half an hour ago without any notice."

"Figures." Beka muttered darkly, "The traitor."

"May I ask what the problem is? Why are you harassing 'Tink'?"

"We were playing Hide and Seek!"

Beka shifted uneasily under Helen's gaze.

"Beka. I will not tolerate this; people come to the Sanctuary to be protected, not to be tormented!"

"Fine." Beka puffed up her chest proudly, reaching into her shoulder bag; she retrieved a massive stack of paper.

'On behalf of the citizens of the Sanctuary, I formally ask for the dismissal of Will Zimmerman."

Beka dropped the paper onto Helen's desk, noticing the surprised look with glee.

Helen looked through the pages, looking more and more surprised at each name.

"I hadn't realized," Helen muttered, the pixie suddenly moved from its hiding spot under the desk, and sat quietly on Helen's shoulder.

"You collected these yourself?" Helen questioned, sighing slightly.

"Yes. You must know how he treats everyone?" Beka muttered furiously, "All 'I'm pure human- and you're not!'"

"I-I will speak to him." Helen acknowledged, sighing again at Beka's horrified gaze.

"Helen!" Beka whined, "We want him 'fired' not sat in the naughty corner for five minutes!"

"Beka, I will deal with this matter myself."

A loud knock sounded at the door.

"Enter." The door opened, revealing Will. Beka glowered as she tried to burn him with her eyes.

"Beka. I'd thought I'd find you here- Is that a Nikola tesla shirt?" his eyes snapped to the corner.

"Helen went shopping," Beka supplied quickly, "Why are you here?"

"Oh," Will stepped fully into view, holding out a brightly coloured bucket, "As an apology. I really should have asked you first." He admitted. Beka's eyed lit up as she received the bucket, in awe.

"Peppermint and Choc chip ice-cream," She read in a breezy voice, "Boysenberry ice-cream- double gooey chocolate Ice-cream. For me?"

Will nodded, "I couldn't decide on what to get you, and then I saw the three type buckets-"

"OH MY GOD WILL!" Beka gasped, throwing her arms around him, "I think I love you."

"I'll have to show you the Ice-cream shop sometime," Will remarked casually, making Beka kiss his cheeks before breaking into hysterical laughter.

"Oh no!" Beka gasped, diving towards Helen's desk, and swiping up the petition, tossing them into the fireplace, poking the smouldering pages with crazed eyes.

"Uh, Magnus," he looked questionably towards the elder woman who shook her head in return.

"Forget everything Helen! Everything is perfect! Obliviate!"

"Did you just try and cast a Harry Potter spell on Magnus?"

"What? I don't think I did Will- now let's get back to our conversation on Strawberry tarts and the economic state of Bahrain."

"Beka, could you-"

"WAIT!" Beka cried, leaping to her feet and tackling the doorhandle with unnerving accuracy, throwing open the door to reveal a tall, pale, bald man holding a plastic spoon over his head with both hands.

"NO! John! We're cool- Will is cool!"

She grabbed the spoon out of his hands thoughtfully, watching his dazed expression, before tearing the lid of her Ice-cream bucket open and digging into the ice-cream eagerly.

"Thanks' Johnny!"

The girl walked out the door slowly, Helen watched her in concern.

"Don't worry Magnus; it's a 4L tub of Beka's three favourite ice creams."

There was silence for a few moments.

"Will. Beka's lactose Intolerant."

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